I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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