i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
