Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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