Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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