I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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