i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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