I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
