I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
