I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
