babies were throwing up all over the place
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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