i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I FOUND THE LEGS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
