i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
