also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
