he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
