exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
