she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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