WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
