how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
