Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
