Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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