I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
