She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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