I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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