I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
