I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
