All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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