I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize