this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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