somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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