Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
