I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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