We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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