My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
