I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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