I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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