So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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