So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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