youre lurking in front of me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize