bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
