I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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