If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
