4 words: hood of his car
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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