oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
