went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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