The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
