wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
