maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
