He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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