the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Still dying that you shit outside
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
