We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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