Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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