the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
