I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.