I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...