my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.