while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow