Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

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(786): View more from Florida

if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass

(352): View more from Florida

godspeed.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

(303): View more from Colorado

Oh and I threw up on myself...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

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(909): View more from California

that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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(212): View more from New York

My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.

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