you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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