If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.