i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
