peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
