That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
