1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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