I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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