woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
