I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
