Your dad touched me again.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
