If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this boner is exhausting
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
