somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
