someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
