Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
