look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
