I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm both gender and math confused
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
