I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
