You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
